A Parting of the Ways
by Leola Llewellyn
Summary: Seventh year Severus meets Lily on a hilltop to confess his love. He has a dark secret, however, something that will come between them forever. And then there is the handsome and gallant Head Boy whom he must battle for her affections...
1. Chapter 1

The late-autumn mist hung still and heavy over the Hogwarts grounds. The sun was dissembled somewhere behind the curtain of gray clouds which seemed to be neither coming nor going, though a slight wind picked up the long grasses on the hill of the standing stones. Lily Evans, cloaked and equipped not with a wand, but with a pencil and parchment, was translating the runes.

Anyone looking at her, as she cast her gaze upon the ancient etches in stone, would immediately notice that she was strikingly beautiful. Her calculating, transfixed eyes were purely and stunning green, wide and almond-shaped. Her face had a perfect symmetry to it, her cheekbones were high, and the contrast between her pale cheek and deep red hair was intense. And yet she did not hold her chin high; there was no trace of haughtiness in her glance or suggestion of a sneer on her lips. She had the air of someone who was beautiful without meaning it or knowing it.

There was a rustle of footsteps in the wet grass. Lily looked up, searching through the fog. She could hear the climber before she could see him, but as his sallow face and dark eyes appeared on the hilltop, she looked away with pained disdain.

"Lily…" he began in a strangled sort of voice.

"What do you want, Severus?" Lily asked, still translating the runes.

"I wanted to speak to you. I knew I would find you here," Snape said. "Your dedication to your studies has always…inspired me."

"Go write a book about it then," Lily said sarcastically. "I daresay you need something healthy to occupy your spare time." She paused, looked up and with an entirely different tone, something more serious and closer to pleading, said, "The Dark Arts don't suit you, Severus…"

The gaunt teenage boy was quick to change the subject. He leaned against the stone, crossed his arms across his chest, and said, "So I hear you're dating Potter." He spat the name with very obvious dislike.

Lily turned to the next stone in the circle, not because she had finished translating the last, but to remove Snape from her line of sight. "Whom I chose to date is none of your business," she said stiffly.

"Potter doesn't suit you, Lily."

"Obviously I disagree. And your opinion is of little consequence in the matter." She pulled a thick dictionary out of her bag for the translation of an unknown rune. With a flick of her wand, she charmed it to hover beside her and flipped through the pages with quick, rather spastic movements.

"But it is of some?" Snape asked hopefully.

"None," Lily answered with finality.

Snape was silent for a moment. He took a step closer, but Lily did not turn around. He tried again. "What do you see in him?" This time his voice sounded hurt, and a trace of a whine had escaped through the wall of his pride. He was like a wounded animal.

Lily had been writing, but she stopped for a moment. She said slowly, "I see a man who is kind and brave, who saved your life last year at great personal risk—"

Here Snape interrupted. "Let it never be said that James Potter saved my life!"

"I'm afraid I've just said it, and it happens to be the truth."

"It wasn't like that, it was his trick in the first place. You can't think him a hero for it!"

But Lily was no longer listening, "who takes his studies seriously and strives to help younger students, and who, I think, has loved me for years."

Snape did not speak for a moment, and even without looking at him, Lily could hear the next question forming in his mind. He struggled with it, furrowed his eyebrows deeply and closed his eyes, but did not ask. Instead, he took a step closer and put his hand on her shoulder. He spoke in a very low, quiet tone that sounded nothing like his usual speech. "_I_ have loved you for years, Lily," he said.

Lily could not help it. She turned around to see his tortured face over her shoulder, but was entirely lost for words.

"I, who have never truly known love! My father loathed my magical blood too much to love me and my mother didn't have enough hope left in her to love me! You…" he stopped and sounded for a moment as though he were going to cry. "You were the first to love me, I know it."

"Severus, I loved you as the only childhood companion that could understand me, and then the first friend I had here at Hogwarts! It's different now; you're different now!" Lily exclaimed. She had stopped her translations.

"I'm not," Snape said, and then without reason or warning, he roughly turned her around by the shoulders and kissed her fully on the lips. Shocked, Lily stayed for a moment, and then suddenly, frantically sought to free herself from his clutching fingers on her shoulders. She grabbed his forearms to push him away and he winced as she broke the connection.

"You had… no right… to do that!" Lily exclaimed, livid. Her face was suddenly red, and her eyes wide with shock and anger.

Snape seemed not to be listening, however. He was coddling his right forearm, as though it hurt very much where she had touched it.

"I…oh Severus, I didn't mean to," Lily said, and her demeanor suddenly changed with pity. "Was it your father? Has he been hurting you again? I didn't realize… here…" she took his arm, and before he could stop her, pulled the sleeve of his robe up to his shoulder.

The sight that met her eyes made her gasp aloud and jump suddenly backward, so that she was backed up against the standing stone. Hot tears immediately spurted from her eyes, and she looked at him as if she had never really seen him before. "The D-Dark Mark?" she whispered. "But…then Severus… you've… really…." Such was her disbelief that she could hardly piece her words together. "You've really gone over to the Dark Side?"

Snape grabbed her by the shoulders again and looked her straight in the eyes. "Lily, you must tell no one! No one!" he said forcefully.

But Lily was sobbing now. "They sent the Dark Mark into the sky where they murdered my mother! _Your_ people! In a muggle shopping center… just Christmas shopping… and then _dead_… and that mark in the sky, the one you now wear on your arm! How—How _could_ you?"

"Lily, I would never do anything to hurt you_, never!"_ Snape yelled adamantly.

"They've made you a _murderer!_"

"Lily, you don't understand! You… you must not tell anyone! No one! You must promise!" He was digging his thumbs painfully into her shoulders now. "Promise me!"

Lily was quiet, and looked up at him with immense sorrow in her streaming eyes. "You stand for a cause that has killed my mother and taken away my best friend. You cannot possibly love me. And I could never love you."

Snape made a wild noise and turned away from her. His black eyes were now glistening too, but rather than make him look weak or sad, the tears gave his glare a dark menacing glow.

And Lily was backed against the standing stone for support, her face buried in her hands as she shook with high, piercing sobs.

"Snivellus, I think you'd better leave now." James had just emerged upon the hilltop, his dark hair ruffled by the increasing wind, and his face unusually serious.

Snape's eyes found Lily's, imploringly. Would she breathe a word? She looked down and covered her eyes.

"Potter, I am no pawn for you to command," Snape replied, glaring with contempt.

James drew his wand warningly. Snape regarded it for a moment, but did not draw his own. He would not duel Potter in front of Lily. "I have other business to attend to." And with a sudden turn of his heel, he strode off haughtily down the hill and out of sight.

James went to Lily. "Lily, what did he do to you?" he asked, touching her shoulder where Snape had only moments before. There was not a more obvious difference in the two men than this: James's large hand on her shoulder was gentle, beseeching, comforting; softly caressing where Snape's had carelessly bruised.

"N-nothing…" Lily said quietly. She lifted her hands to wipe her eyes, but found James's thumb there already, swiping tenderly beneath to dry her cheeks. "You know I've just been… easily upset…these days," she said feebly. "And you know he was…" she took a deep breath and suppressed a fresh sob, "an old friend of mine…"

"Yes, but I never understood why," James said with disgust. Then his face softened and he put a hand to her chin to lift her face to him. He kissed her for a moment, and then said, "Never mind that. This will cheer you up. Hestia's cat is having kittens in the common room."

"Kittens?" Lily smiled. "How many?"

"There were three when I left. One orange, one white, and one striped. I think Sirius and Remus sneaked off for Butterbeer to celebrate. Shall we go see them?"

Lily laughed at the idea of Sirius throwing a birthing party for a cat. "I'm glad you came for me," she said as they set off, hand in hand, back down the hill and toward the castle.

Author's Note: For me this was an exercise in dialogue and character drama, to help improve my writing craft. I may decide to write another chapter, depending on reader feedback. Please, review and tell me what you think!


	2. Chapter 2

Professor Dumbledore was in his study that evening. It was Sunday, and it was his custom to spend the night relaxing, reading a bit of fiction, perhaps, or discarding burdensome memories into his pensive. But tonight an unexpected visit from Lily Evans promised to stir up rather than relieve his troubled mind.

The old headmaster's brow was furrowed on his white forehead as he regarded the Head Girl in the chair before him. He had anticipated this night—it was very like Lord Voldemort to recruit Hogwarts students, given his interest in the school and his peculiar ability to manipulate the young; and Severus Snape was exactly the sort of well-intentioned but cynical idealist most tempted by the dark arts. These situations, however, are never easier simply because they are foreseen (which is why Albus Dumbledore held a particular distaste for the art of divination.)

As for Lily, Dumbledore could not help but admire her. She was visibly sad but quietly confident, with a strong but unassuming presence. She sat up straight with her shoulders lowered, ankles crossed, hands folded neatly in her lap. She did not fidget, but looked at her headmaster intently and directly, her eyes distressed and imploring. The candlelight glimpsed a tear welling up in each.

Dumbledore sighed and interlocked his fingers. "Lily, I too have known that Severus has pledged allegiance to Lord Voldemort," he said.

Lily was taken aback. "How—how did you know? How long?"

"All semester," Dumbledore said. "Lily, you must understand, if I let him see that I know, Voldemort will kill him. He is an accomplished Legilimens."

"Which one? Voldemort or Snape?" Lily asked.

"Both, actually," Dumbledore replied. "I dare not so much as look at the boy. I know that he is a Death Eater, and he would be able to see that knowledge in my face. When Voldemort studies him, he will discover it as well. A Death Eater known by Voldemort's arch nemesis is a danger to Voldemort himself, and he will not hesitate to dispose of him."

Lily gave a restrained sob and exclaimed, "So you can't help him!"

Dumbledore shook his head sadly. "No one can help Severus, I'm afraid. I have kept a discreet eye on him and alerted very few Professors so that they may do the same. You are, as far as I know, the first and, I hope, the only student to discover his secret."

"But shouldn't we turn him in?" Lily asked. Even as she said it, she looked horrified at the idea. Nevertheless, she continued, "Your students may be in danger! What if Voldemort has him on a mission here? He may be told to harm us! He may be after your own life, Professor!"

"Severus is not ready to kill," Dumbledore told her.

"How do you know that?" Lily asked. She was crying openly now. "I didn't think he was ready to have his arm branded either! I didn't think he was ready to give his support to the most evil dark sorcerer this world has ever known!"

Dumbledore's sad eyes softened. "Of course you feel betrayed, Lily. Severus was a good friend of yours. Your own mother was killed by Death Eaters."

Lily nodded and released another fresh sob as Dumbledore so succinctly explained her situation to her.

"Perhaps you think I ought to turn Severus in, or simply tell him I have found him out," Dumbledore said. "Voldemort would murder him and we would lose one more Death Eater. It would be one less for the Aurors to find and kill."

Lily stared at him for a moment, silent. "I don't think that is the best solution, Professor," she said slowly.

"I don't think so either," Dumbledore said. "Severus is a good person who has grown up with bad influences. Surely you of all people know that, Lily. He will come back to the right side. When he does, he will need our aid and protection, and may offer his services."

"You will make him a spy?" Lily asked.

"It is quite possible," Dumbledore answered. "In the meantime, my concern is the safety of my students. It is unlikely that Voldemort is giving murderous assignments to his youngest and least experienced supporters. Still, I have my most trusted colleagues watching his movements and listening to his conversations. We have not detected any danger yet."

"Professor," Lily began, "is he the only Death Eater here at Hogwarts?"

"As far as I know, yes," the Headmaster replied.

"How long do you think it will stay that way?"

"If Voldemort has his way, not very long," he answered sadly.

Lily fell silent, looking down at her hands. Dumbledore laid his hand upon his weary forehead, engrossed in some distant thought.

"The enemies are within us now," Lily broke the silence. She seemed utterly lost, defeated even. "Within our walls, our hearts, even. How can we fight that? We're all wizards, all humans. Professor, how can we fight the foes we love, the enemy that is a part of us?"

"Lily, my friend, you have just discovered the crux of all civil war," Dumbledore said. There was a strange pride commingled with sadness in his bitter smile and a paternal love in his pained eyes.

Lily opened her mouth to speak, sure that there was some resolution to be reached, some comfort or security to be had, but she could find nothing to say. The portraits on the walls were quiet, ruminating. Only Phineas Nigellus seemed disaffected, twirling his gray goatee around one finger, leaning back leisurely in his burgundy chair.

"There is another matter, Lily," Dumbledore broke the silence. Lily looked at him again, jolted as if from some dark reverie. "Your safety."

"What?" Lily asked. It had not occurred to her that she might be in peril.

"There is a possibility that Voldemort will know that you have discovered one of his Death Eaters," the headmaster pointed out calmly.

Lily's eyes widened, and she was suddenly afraid. "You think they will come after me?" she asked.

"It's not improbable," Dumbledore replied. He adjusted his spectacles and looked at her very seriously. "Lily, you are in no danger within these walls," he told her. "I want you to have as little contact with Severus as possible. While I do not think him dangerous to the general student body, I am more concerned for you because you now know his secret. Please do all you can to avoid him. If any scuffle arises involving him, let James take care of it."

Lily nodded.

"We must discuss the holidays," Dumbledore proceeded. "You may want to consider remaining here at Hogwarts. If not, I can try to arrange protective enchantments. Within the next few weeks, I will also be able to ascertain whether or not Voldemort will target you."

Again, Lily nodded. Dumbledore was silent, studying a spinning silver instrument upon the marble table next to Lily's chair. He stared at it for a moment as if transfixed, then finally looked back at Lily's face and asked, "Does anyone else know?"

Lily shook her head.

"Not even James?"

"I couldn't possibly tell him without consulting you first," Lily said. "James is defensive, and he and Severus have always despised each other. He would turn him in, no questions asked, or seek him out himself."

"That was a wise decision," Dumbledore said. "I know this may be difficult for you, Lily, but I would ask that you keep this confidential, even from James."

Lily looked at him for a moment, reading his sage blue eyes, uncertain but trusting. Then, reluctantly this time, she nodded her assent.


	3. Chapter 3

The Halloween feast was a very traditional event at Hogwarts, so of course Sirius Black, Remus Lupin, Peter Pettigrew, and James Potter had defiantly resolved to skip it. It took Lily's rational persuasion to get the four friends seated at the Gryffindor table that evening. It took Sirius' frivolous bantering to get her seated with them on the ledge of north tower afterwards, dark autumn ale in hand and bookbag full of hard cider.

"A toast!" James exclaimed, raising his bottle and practically swinging on one foot. "To the Gryffindor Quidditch team! May our brute strength and daunting skill cause Slytherins everywhere to piss their knickers!"

"Hear hear!" The others shouted, clinking their glass bottles together.

They were all intoxicated. Sirius, the only one who had any real experience with drinking, was on his fourth bottle. "If you lived with my family you'd learn the virtue of alcoholism too!" he had said earlier. He was trying to teach Lily how to guzzle, and her willingness to learn was a certain indicator of her tipsy state, as well as the cheerful flush of her cheeks.

"Drink it like it's milk, Lily!" he told her, grinning and popping open another bottle for himself.

"Lay off her, Padfoot," said James, who did not wholeheartedly approve of this lesson. He tapped Lily on the shoulder and quietly cautioned, "Just take your time, love."

Lily laughed, threw her arms around him, and kissed him square on the lips.

Sirius raised his bottle and hollered. James grinned, but gently pulled away. He took Lily's hands modestly and turned her around to hold her from behind, and they began to sway contentedly together.

Remus was leaned up against the outer stone wall, red-faced and grinning. He was neither short nor small-framed, but the truth was that he was a light-weight. He and Peter were giggling unashamedly half-way through the first bottle.

In short, they were all, save Sirius, naïve and inexperienced. They did not know how to drink.

"It's Halloween!" Lily said gleefully. "The ancient Celtic new year! I think we ought to rumin…roo-mih-nay…." she gave up and continued, "_think_ about the past year…and make resolutions!"

"We won the house cup last year," Peter said.

"Pete, we need to teach you about the important things in life," Sirius said, tossing him another beer. "Here's to my flying motorcycle!"

"Here's to my acceptance letter to the Auror Academy!" James added.

"Here's to my Head Girl badge!" Lily exclaimed, clinking her bottle with James's enthusiastically enough to slosh beer over the two of them. She dissolved into laughter.

"Here's to drinking after hours with the Head Girl and not getting reported!" Remus toasted merrily.

Peter just hiccupped.

As the hour passed, the toasts became more and more bizarre.

"Here's to the Chudley Cannons!"

"Here's to the Giant Squid!"

"Here's to Moaning Myrtle!"

"_Moaning Myrtle?_" Lily protested, laughing in hysterics. "Remus, I didn't know she was your type! Next time I stop in at her U-bend I'll tell her about your little crush…"

Remus waved his hands emphatically, saying, "No, no, Lily, it was just something to say—I didn't really—"

Lily just smiled.

James, too, was an affectionate drunk. His nose was red and his smile quietly contented. He was seated on the strong wall between Sirius and Peter, watching Remus and Lily with tender fondness. He put his arms around his comrades and said, "Here's to our being here tonight, all together and safe. Here's to the simple privilege of our health and happiness, our youth and wholeness, the fact that we're alive when so many others aren't."

"Here's to our friendship," Sirius said.

"Here's to our trust," Remus added, wrapping his arm around Lily's shoulder as they joined the other three on the highest wall of the castle, looking upward towards the waning moon.

"Yes," Lily said quietly, almost wonderingly, "to unwavering loyalty."

James nodded. "May we be together like this next year, and all the years to come…just like this."


End file.
